9/29/11

ive been diagnosed with severe anxiety, two different kinds of it. now lately i have been having these feelings where my hands get all shaky, my heart races, i break out in hives on my chest and my hands. i feel like there isn't enough air to fill my lungs.  it was a really scary feeling, like your suffocating like you can't catch your breathe.i didn't really know what it was, so i searched all my symptoms online, and now i think I'm starting to have panic attacks. because for my anxiety since its so severe i should probably be taking medicine but we can't afford it/my mom doesn't want to take me to the doctor to get it checked out cause its expensive. and they will probably recommend me to a psychiatrist. Part of me wishes she would take me to the doctor, but then part of me doesn't. because im going to have to explain all the problems going on right now with me, and they are going to ask me if ive ever been suicidal, or self harmed. and if i want them to be able to help me, im going to have to tell the truth. and i don't know if i could do that. i don't know what to do. i have nobody to turn to. this sucks.